I have failed in my duty of care

You pretty much all come to this one tiny internet page on the massive world wide web for one reason - Erin Madden. I can understand that. I don't pity myself for not being the centre of attention. Alls I did was marry the girl. Erin is your daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, niece, friend, and all round treasure. I'm so blessed I get a piece of the family action.

[Not to discredit my herd of 'followers' - hi mum]

4.5 years ago I popped up on your radars as an unknown Eddie Haskell pursuing your dear Erin. You didn't consider me enough of a threat back then to eliminate me. If only you had known. Your lack of foresight and crisis management has led to this lovely girl now residing in a far off land.

The writing is on the wall however. This Northern Ireland fling - the embers glow no more. Ireland is cute for a while. There is a novelty in having family here. Let's face it - everyone wants to be associated with Ireland in some way. But its appeals to foreign folk are shallow and fleeting. Erin is outstaying her welcome and the land knows this.

I apologise to you. Erin is in a state of disrepair. The tale of her misfortune mimicking that of Oisin in Tír na nÓg. The emerald isle is robbing her of her youth. 

This may seem like a rambling blog post. But there is a point to it. Erin's most recent bout of misfortune came when flesh met steel in the kitchen of 304. While slicing sourdough bread the following happened (Warning to the squemish):

I feel so sorry for her. I was meant to take care of her and look at what has happened. She has no finger left :(

Erin, I'm sorry. I can't make it up to you. But I have bought us 2 tickets to:

It's an old Irish play. Quite famous and very funny. It's on in the Lyric Theatre tomorrow at 7.45pm. Will you be my date?

Of course I know this will never bring your finger back. Would you like a holiday too? You name the place (except USA).

Eventually your ultimate reward (compensation) will be our one-way tickets to California :)